Standard of Care
Whack... clenched fists collide with the middle of my face. Hands grappling for control like a pit of writhing snakes, voices wrestle. Shouting, screaming, and then a few smaller voices trying to take control of the situation. Somethings pinching my arm. I reach and free my arm, and then put down the other arm getting ready to take another crack at my face. Gently and quickly, I finish doing the necessary cares and then holler for someone to lower the bed. "Goodnight." And we leave the room. The screaming and kicking stops and suddenly things are quiet again and it's as if nothing ever happened.
Two hours later, after rounds and charting, I punch out and walk outside in the cold dark to my car. It's just another shift working as a CNA-and I love it...but it's hard. The whole weekend was hard. I'm sitting in my car now, and I pause. I rub my sore nose, tilt my head back and take a deep breath. How am I supposed to take being hit in the face? Things get deeper in my head...earlier in the week things had gone sour. People had broken my trust. Back stabbed. Hurt. How am I supposed to take being lied to? How am I supposed to react? These things wrestle like two people having a thumb war in my brain as I back out of the parking lot and drive home. I feel anger.
Two nights later, I'm sitting outside in the dark feeling my bare feet in my dad's prided sod. There's a little breeze sweeping my hair back, there's flashes of yellow in the creaking trees-fireflies out. The sound of the river in front of me is so the opposite of the anger that's finally stilling in my head. Why am I so angry? Why did I let these people hurt me? Why did I let them get close to me? Why did I give them my time? Why did I forgive them over and over again? Why did I always believe the best of them? Why did I love them?
The above is the storm that's been in my head-it's raw, and it's honestly what I've been struggling with this week. Maybe you'll keep reading because you can relate, maybe you don't care, or maybe you're curious to know what I learned through my week-whatever the case I hope you can benefit from it somehow, or maybe teach me something. Let's discuss in the comments : )
So here's what I learned this week...once I calmed down.
1.) I HAVE EXPECTATIONS
Expectations as in I expect people to act like adults. I expect people to tell the truth. I expect people to treat me respectfully, to treat me right. And when these expectations aren't met (like 97% of the time) it results in me getting angry and upset. People can only affect me if I give them that power, and by having these expectations I'm doing just that-letting them make me angry. So I've decided that I'm done having expectations. I don't expect anything from people anymore-but I do have standards. Standards for myself. Let me explain...
Earlier I narrated a situation I had to deal with at work-a combative resident. In health care we have something called "standard of care". These standards are things like turning/repositioning a resident every two hours, grooming and making sure a resident is well kept, hiding catheter bags and other hygiene set-ups out of view, making sure a resident is properly clothed and not exposed etc. These are things we, as caregivers, are responsible for. Standard of care is not depended on the resident, but on the caregivers. And while a resident always has the right to refuse, these standards are always carried out and applied no matter the attitude, mood, meanness, race, social standing, or hurtful words or actions the resident might be displaying. At work I don't get angry when I'm slapped or pinched or sexually harassed, or hit. I don't get angry because I follow the standards of care and I don't have expectations---THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE. This is how I want to deal with everyone. My standards for how I deal and interact with people are going to be like this: I'm going to forgive them, I'm going to care for them, I'm going to love them, I'm going to want the best for them and be happy when they succeed. These are going to be my standards of care no matter what they are doing to me, no matter how many times they hurt me and lie to me. This is how I want to act. This is what I'm always gonna stand for and fight for.
Two hours later, after rounds and charting, I punch out and walk outside in the cold dark to my car. It's just another shift working as a CNA-and I love it...but it's hard. The whole weekend was hard. I'm sitting in my car now, and I pause. I rub my sore nose, tilt my head back and take a deep breath. How am I supposed to take being hit in the face? Things get deeper in my head...earlier in the week things had gone sour. People had broken my trust. Back stabbed. Hurt. How am I supposed to take being lied to? How am I supposed to react? These things wrestle like two people having a thumb war in my brain as I back out of the parking lot and drive home. I feel anger.
Two nights later, I'm sitting outside in the dark feeling my bare feet in my dad's prided sod. There's a little breeze sweeping my hair back, there's flashes of yellow in the creaking trees-fireflies out. The sound of the river in front of me is so the opposite of the anger that's finally stilling in my head. Why am I so angry? Why did I let these people hurt me? Why did I let them get close to me? Why did I give them my time? Why did I forgive them over and over again? Why did I always believe the best of them? Why did I love them?
The above is the storm that's been in my head-it's raw, and it's honestly what I've been struggling with this week. Maybe you'll keep reading because you can relate, maybe you don't care, or maybe you're curious to know what I learned through my week-whatever the case I hope you can benefit from it somehow, or maybe teach me something. Let's discuss in the comments : )
So here's what I learned this week...once I calmed down.
1.) I HAVE EXPECTATIONS
Expectations as in I expect people to act like adults. I expect people to tell the truth. I expect people to treat me respectfully, to treat me right. And when these expectations aren't met (like 97% of the time) it results in me getting angry and upset. People can only affect me if I give them that power, and by having these expectations I'm doing just that-letting them make me angry. So I've decided that I'm done having expectations. I don't expect anything from people anymore-but I do have standards. Standards for myself. Let me explain...
Earlier I narrated a situation I had to deal with at work-a combative resident. In health care we have something called "standard of care". These standards are things like turning/repositioning a resident every two hours, grooming and making sure a resident is well kept, hiding catheter bags and other hygiene set-ups out of view, making sure a resident is properly clothed and not exposed etc. These are things we, as caregivers, are responsible for. Standard of care is not depended on the resident, but on the caregivers. And while a resident always has the right to refuse, these standards are always carried out and applied no matter the attitude, mood, meanness, race, social standing, or hurtful words or actions the resident might be displaying. At work I don't get angry when I'm slapped or pinched or sexually harassed, or hit. I don't get angry because I follow the standards of care and I don't have expectations---THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE. This is how I want to deal with everyone. My standards for how I deal and interact with people are going to be like this: I'm going to forgive them, I'm going to care for them, I'm going to love them, I'm going to want the best for them and be happy when they succeed. These are going to be my standards of care no matter what they are doing to me, no matter how many times they hurt me and lie to me. This is how I want to act. This is what I'm always gonna stand for and fight for.
2.) I'M A FIGHTER
I'm willing to put in the long hours. I'm willing to get whacked in the face to get the job done. I love my life and I love what I do-and I want to keep getting stronger and learning more and more each shift!
So that was my weekend, and the lessons I learned along the way. I hope I can encourage and build people up through this blog! And I would love to discuss and learn with you! Keep fighting folks-we got this! : )
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